


Simon Says

by Sniperdoodle



Series: Meteor Shenanigans [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Eyebrows will be shaved off, F/F, F/M, Gen, Simon Says, The Meteor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 20:50:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1401985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sniperdoodle/pseuds/Sniperdoodle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After fighting over the ultimate prize, Rose gets Dave and Karkat to agree to a competition to win the prize. Terezi, Rose and the Mayor are all pulled in to try and win the prize in the X-Treme game of Simon Says. Eyebrows will be shaved off, minds tortured, and clowns hugged. </p>
<p>Also, Simon says read this story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Simon says play a game

            “DAVE FUCK OFF!” Karkat yelled at the coolkid as the argued in the middle of the common room.

            “Nope man its mine,” Dave replied as they wrestled on the floor.

            “IT’S NOT YOURS YOU PIMPLESQUEEZING NOOKHUMPING DOUCHEFUCKING BASTARD!” Karkat yelled as he threw Dave into the wall.

            “I found it,” Dave replied tackling Karkat.

            “LIKE HELL YOU DID! IF I DIDN’T SEE IT WE WOULD HAVE LEFT THE ROOM!” Karkat replied as Dave tried to smother the shouting trolls by jamming his fingers in Karkat’s yakking mouth. Karkat retaliated by biting down on Dave’s finger’s hard.

            “But who went over there and picked it up?” Dave retorted by grabbing Karkat’s arm and flipping him over.

            “I CARRIED IT AROUND!” Karkat replied kicking Dave in the stomach.

            “I named it,” Dave replied as he jumped up and landed on Karkat with his elbow jabbing into his stomach.

            “Boys,” Rose sighed walking over to Karkat and Dave who both had their hands around each other’s necks. “Please stop before you kill each other. Now, what are you fighting about?”

            “Who gets to keep the crystal skeleton,” Dave answered letting go of Karkat’s neck after the troll release his tight grip.

            “Dave won’t admit that I am the rightful owner,” Karkat informed Rose standing off the ground.

            “Karkat is too stupid to see that I own it,” Dave insisted.

            “Can’t you settle this without killing each other?” Rose asked.

            “No,” Dave and Karkat replied before Karkat tackled Dave and they continued to fight.

            “Kanaya, some help dear?” Rose turned around to ask Kanaya, who was sitting on the couch reading the book Rose suggested.

            Kanaya said nothing as she set the book down, came over to the fighting boys and picked them up by the collar of their shirts. She left go when they were far enough apart and she was in between them to make sure that they did not try to kill each other once again.

            “Thank-you dear,” Rose thanked Kanaya.

            “No problem,” Kanaya replied.

            “Now, do I have to stand here and wait for your two to talk about your problems?” Rose asked Dave and Karkat.

            “Well it matters what we’re talking about,” Dave replied.

            “No it doesn’t!” Karkat growled.

            “What would we be talking about?” Dave asked.

            “The unresolved sexual tension between you and Karkat,” Rose answered her brother and Kanaya snickered to that.

            “No,” Dave replied. “Just no.”

            “Agreed,” Karkat growled.

            “Well that how are you going to solve who owns the crystal skeleton?” Kanaya questioned Karkat and Dave.

            “We could have a competition,” Dave suggested as he started to feel as though he’s being scolded by an adult.

            “I was thinking more like talking it out peacefully,” Rose sighed at her brother’s incompetence.

            “A competition sounds good,” Karkat agreed.

            “A competition for who owns the crystal skeleton!” Dave declared. “Everyone on the Meteor can be apart of this.”

            “But this is between us,” Karkat informed Dave.

            “Yeah what if Terezi wants in on this?” Dave question Karkat as Terezi and the Mayor entered the common room.

            “What am I involved in?” Terezi asked.

            “Do you want the crystal skeleton?” Dave asked as Karkat growled.

            “I guess that would be cool,” Terezi agreed.

            “Mayor, how about you?” Dave asked the Mayor and the Mayor nodded his head excitedly. “Rose, Kanaya?”

            “I do not wish to be apart of this because I know that someone will get hurt,” Kanaya stated.

            Rose was silent before saying, “Only if the competion is non-violent.”

            “Cool, so they rules are is that it can’t be violent and no one can get hurt,” Dave began.

            “But what is exactly the competition?” Terezi questioned as she and the Mayor joined the group.

            “We’ll roll the dice,” Dave began. “Whoever has the highest number will choose what type of game it is.”

            “And do you have dice?” Rose questioned Dave.

            “Yes,” Dave pulled some dice out of his pocket.

            “Why . . . never mind,” Kanaya began to ask but she soon dismissed it as some strange Dave irony thing.

            “Cool, who wants to roll first?” Dave asked.

            “I will,” Karkat moved past Kanaya to snatch the dice out of Dave’s hands. Karkat bent down on the ground, shook the dice in his hands and then opened them. The dice flew out and rolled onto the ground. Snake eyes.

            “What!?” Karkat yelled angrily.

            “Rose,” Dave scooped up the dice and handed them to his twin.

            “Thank-you David,” Rose thanked Dave before she rolled the dice and scored a ten. “Hhm, the fate of your skeleton may rest on me.”

            “Let’s add that it must be an equal game for everyone,” Dave added as he stared at the mischievous grin in his sister’s face.

            “If you say so,” Rose dismissed Dave’s addition to the rules.

            “My turn!” Terezi claimed as she rolled the dice and got a total of seven. “Here you go Mayor.”

            The Mayor shook the dice and rolled them on the ground. Well, more like he threw the dice on the ground. The dice bounced off the ground and almost hit Kanaya but the rainbow drinker dodged the renegade attack. However, Karkat was not safe from the attack of the dice. He got hit in the face before the dice fell on the floor to show a total of three.

            “My turn,” Dave picked up the dice and rolled them. In a stroke of luck Dave got twelve. “Oh yeah! I’m choosing the competition!”

            “Welcome to hell,” Karkat grumbled.

            “What are we playing?” Terezi asked.

            “X-Treme Simon Says!” Dave declared. All the trolls and the Mayor were confused but Rose face-palmed.

            “Dave that is not a real thing,” Rose informed her brother.

            “Now it is!” Dave replied. “This is an extreme game of Simon Says. This is how it’s played. On person will be Simon, and that person can tell any of the others to do whatever they want. Like, ‘Simon says rub my feet until I say stop’. There will be a new Simon everyday unless Simon relinquishes the title of Simon onto someone else. You are out of the game if you refuse to do what Simon says. The only way a thing counts is if a person says ‘Simon Says’ before the order. If they do not say ‘Simon says’ before an order you do not have to do it. Got it?”

            “Yep,” Terezi agreed.

            “Sadly I do,” Karkat replied.

            The Mayor quickly nodded his head.

            “So who will be Simon?” Rose asked.

            “I will,” Dave explained. “Then you, Terezi, the Mayor and finally Karkat. So, let the game begin!”

            “What are we supposed to do?” Terezi asked.

            “Wait until I tell you to do something,” Dave replied. Dave then looked at the four other players in this game and laughed evilly as he strode out of the room.

            Kanaya watched as Dave walked away and sighed, “I am glad I am not playing this game.


	2. Simon Says Hots Buns

            Later that day Dave walked up to Karkat wearing a completely black outfit with a black helmet and carrying a collapsing red plastic sword. Dave was breathing heavily as he dropped a set of clothes and a green collapsing sword in front of Karkat’s face. The small troll was trying to read the book Kanaya had suggested to him that was suggested to her by Rose.

            “What the fuck do you want you-” Karkat was about to spew vile curses but Dave stopped him.

            “Simon- _kher_ -says- _kher_ -to not- _kher_ -insult- _kher_ -Simon,” Dave insisted inhaling after every syllable or two.

            “Fine,” Karkat sighed. “What do you want?”

            “Simon- _kher_ -says- _kher_ -reenact- _kher_ -Star Wars- _kher_ -with me,” Dave informed Karkat.

            “What is Star Wars?” Karkat demanded.

            “Simon says- _kher_ -to remind him- _kher_ -to remind him- _kher_ -to make you- _kher_ -watch Star Wars,” Dave ordered Karkat.

            “Fine,” Karkat sighed again already getting tired with this competition. But still, he wanted that crystal skeleton . . . .

            “Now- _kher_ -Simon says- _kher_ -put these- _kher_ -on,” Dave pushed the clothes towards Karkat.

            “Fine,” Karkat repeated. He left the room and came back wearing black robes and carrying the green collapsible sword. “Now what?”

            “Simon says- _kher_ -sword fight- _kher_ -with me,” Dave got into a fighting stance.

            “Rose said that we couldn’t fight,” Karkat reminded Dave.

            “We’re not- _kher_ -fighting- _kher_ -we’re reeacting- _kher_ -roleplaying,” Dave explained.

            “Alright,” Karkat agreed to this and got into a fighting stance. Dave came forward first and they began to fence.

            During one of the times Dave wasn’t being a complete asshole, he had taught Karkat how to fence and fight with a sword. After the first few lessons, Karkat got the hang of it but he knew that he would never be able to defeat Dave who was too fast for his own good.

            It wasn’t an even match but Karkat wasn’t wearing the leather and a helmet that apparently made it hard to breath due to the way Dave was talking to him earlier. Dave soon stopped the fight.

            “Run out of breath?” Karkat asked Dave.

            “No,” Dave stated as he took off the helmet. “I had an idea.”

            “I don’t like the sound of that,” Karkat replied.

            “Simon says for you to tell me that I have hot buns,” Dave ordered Karkat.

            “WHAT!?” Karkat questioned.

            “Come on, tell me how hot my buns are,” Dave asked Karkat. “Or else the skull isn’t yours.”

            Karkat squeezed his lips shut before opening his mouth. He tried to force words to come out but none came.

            “You know my buns are hot Vantas,” Dave continued to taunt Karkat. “They’re so hot you could have a barbeque on them.”

            When words finally flowed from Karkat’s mouth they came out as a small squeak, barely audible and barely comprehensive.

            “What was that?” Dave asked. “Were you trying to tell that my plush rump is smoking hot?”

            Karkat tried again but when he listened to his own words it sounded more like he was constipated than telling Dave that his butt was hot.

            “Is something wrong buddy?” Dave continued. “Or are you stunned into silence my perfect ass?”

            Karkat let out a series of incomprehensible sounds in trying to form a sentence that would please Dave but he couldn’t. Dave stood there and watched as the scene unfolded. Finally, Karkat collapsed onto the ground, continuing to make the loud growling noises.

            “GRAGEGARGERAGARA-you have a hot buns,” Karkat gave up, still sounding like he was constipated, but at least the words came out.

            Dave had a smug smile on his face as he proudly stated, “That’s gonna be my new ringtone. Thanks buddy!”

            Dave walked away and Karkat relapsed on his previous statement: this was going to be hell.


	3. Simon Says Shave Your Eyebrows

            After an unknown time amount, Karkat was hiding in his room trying to stay safe for the hell of the competition. He couldn’t be more wrong because then there was knock at his door that most likely belonged to Dave Strider. Karkat came to the door and opened it, and of course the asshole supreme himself was standing there with a smug grin on his face.

            “Oh Karkat,” Dave began with no tone in his voice. “Simon says shave your eyebrows.”

            “What!?” Karkat asked wildly scared with this prospect.

            Dave held up a pink razor and repeated, “Simon says shave your eyebrows.”

            Karkat gritted his teeth. Could a crystal skeleton really be worth it? It wasn’t, but Karkat quickly realized that Dave was trying to flush him out of the game through embarrassment. Well, Karkat was going to stick through until he won. He was going to show Dave.

            “Give me that!” Karkat snatched the razor out of Dave’s hands and marched to the bathroom. Karkat defiantly stood in front of the mirror and gazed at his eyebrows. Soon, they wouldn’t be there. Karkat sighed and wetted down his eyebrows.

            Karkat took a moment to look back at Dave, standing in the door frame ready to watch a show. The arrogant asshole was probably waiting for Karkat to bail on it at the last chance, to give up and throw the game. But no. Karkat got rid of the worried look on his face and put on a face of determination.

            Karkat brought the razor up to his forehead and slowly began to shave his left eyebrow off piece by piece, careful not to cut his grey troll skin and to make sure that he got every bit so Dave wouldn’t say that he didn’t do it fully and he was out of the game. Karkat’s hands didn’t shake as the small eyebrow hairs floated down into the sink. As Karkat began to shave the right eyebrow, he realized that he must look like the most determined eyebrow shaver ever. That didn’t matter. At least Dave wasn’t video taping this.

            Karkat could tell because he could see Dave standing behind him in the mirror. Dave had the smug smile on his face and stood propped up against the door frame lazily. He watched the spectacle silently and did not comment at all. Karkat was glad for the silence but he did not like the company.

When he was done, there was small black eyebrow hairs scattered in the sink. Karkat now had no eyebrows.

            “Fine, is this what you wanted?!” Karkat yelled at Dave.

            “Yep,” Dave replied, but there was something in his voice that felt like he was leaving something off.

            “But what!?” Karkat demanded.

            “I’m not Simon anymore,” Dave broke the news. “Rose is.”

            Karkat felt murderous.

            Homicidal.

            He felt like he should get Gamzee’s help.

            But then Karkat came up with a better plan.

            The lack of eyebrows did not come up in Karkat’s mind as he stormed through the Meteor halls to the common room. Karkat’s rage and anger were slowly taking control of his mind and he knew that he had a total right to it.

            Luckily, when Karkat came into the common room Rose was there reading a book with Kanaya. He stormed over to the couple and waited for them to notice him.

            “Karkat,” Kanaya addressed the bundle of anger first. “What happened to your eyebrows?”

            “Dave tricked me into shaving them off. I thought he was still Simon,” Karkat explained.

            “It does not suit you,” Rose commented.

            “Rose,” Karkat turned to Rose. “Give me the ability to be Simon.”

            “So you can enact your revenge?” Rose guessed.

            “Yes,” Karkat replied as Dave came into the room to get some apple juice.

            “Only if you return it to me once you are done,” Rose agreed. “I want to force Dave into a therapy session.”

            “Reasonable,” Karkat agreed.

            “Simon says you are now Simon,” Rose gave Karkat the title.

            “Oh no,” Dave said as soon as he heard it.

            “Dave,” Karkat began turning to the man that forced him to shave his eyebrows off. “Simon says shave that piece of hair off your shin that you call a beard.”

            Dave gasped. On his chin there protruded one single blond hair. Dave was very proud of his single hair on his chin. He called it a beard though Rose informed the trolls that a beard insists of many hairs coming out of a human’s face covering the chin, cheek, and the area between the mouth and the nose. Dave still continued to drag about his beard otherwise to anyone that would listen and anyone that didn’t want to listen.

            “Come on,” Karkat grabbed Dave by his cape and began to drag the knight to the bathroom with the sink filled with eyebrow hair. Dave didn’t walk because Karkat was dragging him and Karkat really didn’t care for once because he knew that he would shave the hair off his chin.

            “Karkat,” Kanaya stopped the troll for a moment. “When you’re done torturing Dave come see me.”

            Karkat nodded and continued to head to the bathroom.

            “Why is the sink filled with little black hairs?” Terezi asked who was standing in the bathroom as the two knights entered. “And where are your eyebrows Karkat?”

            “Dave tricked me into thinking he was Simon and I shaved them off,” Karkat answered.

            “Ouch,” Terezi replied.

            “Yep,” Karkat repeated and he picked Dave off the floor and made him stand in front of the mirror. “Rose gave me the power of Simon and now ‘Mr. Coolkid’ is going to shave his ‘beard’ off.”

            “I wanna watch,” Terezi said as leaned in the doorway. “Maybe he’ll cry.”

            “I won’t cry,” Dave informed Terezi as Karkat waved the pink razor he used to shave his eyebrows off with under Dave’s nose.

            “No,” Dave began. “I will not use the nasty razor you used to shave your eyebrows off. That’s nasty man.”

            “Simon says use this razor,” Karkat commanded pushing the razor into Dave’s face.

            “Fine,” Dave agreed. He wetted down his whole face and took the razor. He then brought the razor up to his face and shaved the single hair off his face.

            Terezi and Karkat just stared at Dave who did nothing but stared at himself in the mirror behind shaded.  Minute later a single tear rolled down Dave’s face and fell off his chin into the sink.

            Terezi then began to cackle, “I knew you would cry.”

 


End file.
